This post is a test of my sanity and happiness. Just writing about my inner darkness is a trigger for my anxiety and fears. That photo was taken right before I tried to jump into the 0 degree F ocean. But if I can overcome that fear and write about it, then I’ll just come out of this stress that much stronger.
My biggest fears include being left behind, dying without a sense of purpose, and the darkest would be growing old alone and being left behind and completely forgotten by my friends. That one really scares me.
When I’m in this state of darkness, reason doesn’t exist to me. I felt alone, scared, worthless. I feel like nobody else understands this uncertainty and numbing fear I am experiencing, and that just pushes them away.
The biggest challenges in overcoming that are: properly communicating how I’m feeling so that people…
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